you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize