i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
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I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
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I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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