quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
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There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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