I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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