he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
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the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
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This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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