Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
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I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
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Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize