Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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