I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
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