I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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