So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
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