I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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