How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
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the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
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Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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