; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
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We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
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The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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