I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Threesome in a minivan. New low
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize