At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
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All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
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I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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