It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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