I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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