walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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