I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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