Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize