I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize