I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
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you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize