Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Two words: nipple clamps
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