I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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