I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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