I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
do nipples grow back?
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