Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
