I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just made out with a guy for $7.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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