I smell stomach acid.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
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