So drunk its hurt
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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