Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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