Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize