the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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