I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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