I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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