Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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