How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
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unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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