I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
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I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
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Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
May the power of my ass compel you!!
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