Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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