Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
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