I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
My bed smells like the plague
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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