remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
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new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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