Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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