i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
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