I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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