Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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