They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
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I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
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Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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