oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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