I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
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Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
mondays should just be called national damage control day
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
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Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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