i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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