my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
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