you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
